RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
