I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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