The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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