i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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