omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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