R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
