dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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