Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
