mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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