nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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