i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
