You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
two words: eviction party
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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