I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
and she was petting her beer can
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
