Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
