I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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