Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
