My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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