So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
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Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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