I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize