The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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