he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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