went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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