did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
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