before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
