I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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