Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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