i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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