He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
