In the future we'll all be gay
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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