im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize