I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
