Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
