The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
