16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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