So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
