Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
