I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
