where am i from again
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
