Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
