Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
