I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
