saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
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I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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