My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
