Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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