turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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