I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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