if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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