she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
