Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
