omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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