I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
worst night to have a conscience
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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