If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Let's get the cat blown out
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
