So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
