I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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