He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
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I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
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I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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