She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
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The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
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Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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