I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
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His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
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Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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