So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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