He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
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My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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