it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
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