The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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