So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Randomize
