My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
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you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
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He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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