During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
